Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
