She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
