It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
