I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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