i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Two words: blizzard sex
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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