Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
