Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She told me I should be a condom model.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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