If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Someone came in the potted fern
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
