You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
