Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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