Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
