Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
