i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
