I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
