Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
