does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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