I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize