I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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