Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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