i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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