How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
