Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
