So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize