I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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