i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
