it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
