i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
