I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
