Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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