You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
