So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize