so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
