No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
