How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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