He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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