I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
