you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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