Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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