I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
