I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You made out with two different species that night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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