SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
