it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
