this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
