Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
