Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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