He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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