is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
