I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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