I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
