And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
