Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
