I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
