What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
