I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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