I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize