is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
