areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
