Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
