my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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