GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
