at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
