I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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