Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
