I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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