i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
