chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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