I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
