3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
