Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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