We won't sleep together?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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