if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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