1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
